Time to tackle the elephant in the room. If you would rather not read about a topic relating to sexual assault and rape, please do not read any further. You have been warned.
It has been four days since the media broke the story of a group of teenage boys in Auckland belonging to a "gang" who plied girls as young as 13 with alcohol in order to record having sex with them and who then bragged about it online over a period of two years. I have been expecting this topic to be mentioned somewhere on the blogs I follow, but so far, there has been silence. I wonder why that is? That isn't to say the subject hasn't been discussed and dissected already in the media, but I want to hear thoughts from a parental point of view. As a mother of three girls, I feel so sickened and incensed and would like to have an open and frank discussion even if the subject matter is controversial or whether your viewpoint differs to my own. Because, if we look the other way, this could well be our own children in years to come.
Firstly, most of the anger from the public is, rightly, being directed at the perpetrators of these acts. How could these boys be able to continue their predatory ways for two years before any appropriate action by the authorities was taken? If, as reported, these activities were widely known by the boys' and girls' peers, how could the information not have filtered back to the families or schools? Where were the parents and wider family networks in all of this? Why didn't they notice and call into question the shocking claims being written on the boys' social media page? The police, by their own admission, were monitoring the page, but issued a statement that they were unable to bring charges due to insufficient evidence. It has since been revealed that four girls laid complaints, one formally, with the police in the last two years. It paints a very bad picture for the police when media reports have stated that one of the boys in this "gang" is a police officer's son. Now a formal investigation into how the police handled those initial complaints has been ordered by the Police Minister and there will likely be more fallout in the weeks to come.
Secondly, I found the attitude of the female teenagers who have spoken out in defence of the boys to be very disturbing. That casual group sex is considered a normal activity is astounding. What is going on with our youth for them to believe this kind of conduct is normal? Let's not forget the fact that some of the girls involved were minors. According to a witness statement, the girls were supposedly given alcohol with the aim to intoxicate and incapacitate them while the boys remained sober. This is quite revealing in how calculated the boys' actions and intentions were.
To add to the humiliation of the girls concerned, the boys boasted of their supposed "conquests" online. As if living with memories of traumatic experiences is not bad enough, now, cellphone photos and recordings are uploaded to the internet for the whole world to see. Over and over again. Forever. That these actions will have future wide-reaching ramifications in the lives of everyone concerned does not even seem to register with these teens.
As parents, without doubt, we have a role to play in this. Are we teaching our children what is respectful behaviour and modelling the kind of conduct we expect them to have from a very early age? Is the issue wider than that? Are we giving our children too many social freedoms before they have proven themselves to be responsible enough or is there just not enough monitoring of our children's online habits and interactions with their peers? Are we simply not communicating enough with them? It's a minefield raising children in this internet age and I don't claim to have all of the answers. I genuinely want to know how we can navigate it safely together.
UPDATE:
For really really well-researched insight into this subject, feel free to check out
Sacraparental's blog.
To be honest, reading these cards probably meant more to me than it did to Sienna. I know the children were instructed to write notes in the cards, but the fact that someone took the time to make the suggestion and prepare the cards shows that she was thought of, that she matters. Each classmate wrote their own message and some included their own drawings. The heartfelt messages from the children who are close to Sienna were easy to spot and some of the other messages put a smile on my face with their unintentional humour.
It was a wonderfully thoughtful and unexpected gesture and it brightened our week. Again, it's the simple things, isn't it?
* Photos taken by my masterful and multi-talented and handsome husband.
Amongst other things, I served popcorn, a chocolate wafer loaf (snap!) and rice bubble slice (crackle!!), with a very timely recipe borrowed from A Little Bit Country. You were right, Elaina, it took longer to make than it did to eat. This was helped by the fact that the cupcakes looked much better than they tasted and were barely touched. Such a letdown. Substituting eggs with egg replacer doesn't always work very well and the fruit, well, even if it is cut up prettily, it's still fruit and if children don't like it, they won't go near that either. Poor rockmelon, don't get a complex. It's not you, it's them.
Renee, the past six years have vanished in a blur of raising three girls born four years apart, kindergarten, school, sport, family and friends and all the activities associated with these communities. Through the busyness that is our family life, we have been able to capture quiet moments, just the two of us. You may not realise how much I cherish them, but I hope, in time, that you will have warm memories of those moments too. I love that you climb in to my bed for morning cuddles and you tell me how much you are looking forward to going to school. I love that we can take a few minutes after reading your book or during bath time to talk about what is happening in your world.
