05 September 2014


All year, instead of feeling sadness in knowing I would no longer have any preschoolers in the house beyond September, all I had been feeling was excitement. Excitement for my daughter who has been waiting for so long to join her sisters at school; excitement at the adventures that she will no doubt experience there; the joy of being reunited with her kindy friends who have recently started school. There was nothing to look back and feel sad about. She has been ready to leave her kindergarten days behind for a little while now. We were both ready.

Until this moment today.
I was in the kitchen washing up from baking up a storm for Aimee's birthday party and I looked across to see her sitting, wordlessly, on her footstool. She was staring, full of anticipation, through the oven door at her birthday cake. Her five year old birthday cake. All these flashbacks of her started playing like a movie reel through my head. True story. It was ridiculous - I half-expected the Forrest Gump suite to start playing. I just wanted to run over to her, put my arms around her and say "You can't go. You are not ready". But that would have been too weird and she would have looked over my shoulder and asked who that strange man with no legs was in the corner and I would have had to say, "That's Lieutenant Dan, he's a good guy, despite appearances". She looked so small sitting there. I had to rush and grab my camera because all of a sudden, it was even more important to me that I remember her like this. Capturing her mannerisms and these beautiful, quiet moments that I have had my eyes closed to because I've been too busy making pointless vignettes on Instagram or deemed my house too messy to take a nice photo with a good angle and decent light, or because I have been preoccupied with trying to get children to where they are supposed to be on time (and mostly failing at that, thank goodness kindy had a relaxed attitude about it) and making sure they've done their homework (and not succeeding at that lately too, sorry Miss H. When Aimee is in your class, we'll be more organized. Promise).
Aimee often helps me bake but this was the first time she had ever pulled up a pew in front of the oven. There was something in the way that she was sitting there waiting patiently for her birthday cake to cook that made me realize that she knows this is a really big deal. She is going to be a schoolgirl and I won't have these days with her at home with me any more. Just us two. We've been sorting out some of her clothes and passing them on to her younger cousin who we visited the other day. She was wearing some of Aimee's cute old shoes and it struck me again that I had wished I'd have noticed more when my daughter wore cute things and why didn't I take more photos of her little feet?!

But, it'll be okay. She'll be okay. I'll be okay. I know this. Having two older sisters to watch out for her at school comforts me and my sadness will fade like it did after my eldest two started school.

Funny old thing this parenting lark, isn't it? It's full of milestones, ones you are pleased to reach and others that hurt the heart.


  1. Oh dear, you are getting me all misty-eyed and choked up.

    My son started school for the first time this year (transitional kindergarten, so it's only half day) and I was all good until the night before. Then I just lost it. With my oldest daughter I was ball of tears for days before and after her first day of school. This time, I was able to keep my tears at bay because he was so ready to go. And because I had done it all before. And because I knew my fragile mommy heart would start to heal just seeing him thrive with his big sister at school. Thank goodness my littlest is still at home with me for a few years, because I'm just not ready for them all to grow up and go to school yet.

    Aaaannnnddd now I'm crying. Just a little. Watching my littles grow up is so bittersweet. They fill me with such pride and joy, yet sometimes I want them to stay little forever. xoxo

  2. Yes, parenting is a funny thing indeed. I hope you get used to having all three girls at school soon. I couldn't wait to have the last one out of the house (and I think he couldn't wait to go to school either). The photos are lovely, I hope Aimee was pleased with her cake after all that patient waiting. x

  3. such a wonderful memory - you will cherish those pictures forever - even if the composition isn't "perfect"

  4. Oh Leanne! This is so touching. I am sure that you have noticed and photographed lots of moments, they just aren't in your mind right now because you are busy thinking about all that you need to get done and is going to happen! I hope that the birthday party is wonderful and that your little one has a great time at school, and that you have a good time too! xx

  5. Gorgeous wee moment. Feeling you, hearing you. Parenting - highs and lows and utter torn-ness and everything all at the same time. Hope the Birthday goes super special and you all enjoy these last moments before the next stage commences. x

  6. What a beautiful post Leanne x Dreading the day my youngest sets of for school!

  7. Darn it you made me cry. I think because my Mr is turning 5 in two weeks too and that will be both my two at school then too. It is SO bittersweet - he is at such a cute stage and I just don't want him to lose his innocence :-( Lovely thoughts captured xx