15 July 2016

No man is an island but a mother is a car

Our car has broken down. The outward signs of neglect have been there for a while. It's got dents, it's covered in scratches and someone smashed the wing mirror off it one night several months ago. We never got around to fixing it so our family has been driving around with a completely useless, shattered wing mirror stuck to the side of the car with duct tape. The other day, the accelerator simply cut out mid-drive. For a moment, I thought the breaks may stop working too and when you're on a single lane road high on a Wellington hillside at the time, those are not very comfortable thoughts to have. We rely so much on our car but spend very little time thinking about what a workhorse it is and how much more difficult our daily life is without it. Until it is no longer there. Then we realise how much we actually depend upon it to help get the family to where we need to go. Before the throttle issue arose, there were other household matters that were given priority over having the car repaired. If we choose to ignore the warning signs, eventually things can, and do, wear out. There's an analogy here. I am our car. Overworked, barely keeping it all together some days, careworn and feeling like I could do with a bit of TLC.

So here I am, holed up in my bedroom on week one of the school holidays, avoiding the kids. I ate half a block of Black Forest chocolate and now I hate myself. Ironic really, since I was wanting to spend some guilt-free time to myself doing something that makes me happy, which, by the way, is not playing The Game of Life for the third time today. The countdown is on till at least one of the girls finds me to make them some food. They probably won't even physically come find me. They'll just yell at me from the bowels of the room that vaguely resembles our lounge and then I'll very likely yell back to tell them to stop yelling at me.

I've said it before and it's worth saying again - solo parents everywhere, I salute you. I only need to make it through till 6pm this evening when my husband gets home and then the load suddenly becomes more manageable again. The rational part of me knows that my children aren't even all that challenging and we've actually had a pretty good week so far. It's just that my Child Appreciation tank is very empty today. Mostly, I am just tired. Tired but grateful for children who have very low expectations of what their holidays should be like. Zero expectations. As in turning swatting houseflies into a game to see how many each of us can land. We don't actually do that. It's mostly me standing very still poised to strike while waiting for one to land and then I pounce like a middle-aged Miyagi. Maybe that's the real reason why I am so tired.

Bloody houseflies.

12 comments:

  1. I hear you! I have been harkening back to pre-children school holidays which as a teacher were gold to both recuperate and get shit done. I know I should be grateful for this time with my girls and sometimes I am, but sometimes I'm really not. Hoping that broken down car can still bring young the coast on Monday - it's been too long old friend!

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  2. Oh man I feel you today. Earlier I hid in the toilet browsing instagram on my phone for 20 minutes, just for some peace and a chill out. I also ate an entire bag of proper parsnip chips while 'folding washing' in our bedroom ... the washing is still in a huge unfolded pile, there are no chips less and I'm a chapter further on in my book.
    I had to giggle at the mental image of the telling back and forth ... EVERY day here. Thank god we have a big section and the neighbours can't hear me (most of the time)

    Eat the chocolate, drink the wine .. have that hot bath once everyones in bed. Do not do what I do and stay up late binge watching netflix though!

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    1. Netflix might just be my saviour. I think I need it in my life. It would be much better for the waistline.

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  3. Great analogy!!! Love it and feel your pain, guilt, neglect, ovrworkedness...but we just can't help but love them can we?! Even though we are pushed to our limits, sucked dry, wrung out and running on fumes...we are Mums and we find a reserve we just didn't know was in there...don't hate yourself for chocolate sometimes it's survival food :D Enjoy the woman cave for as long as it lasts! Power to you Mamma Bear!

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  4. I'm sure that there are mothers everywhere that would agree with you! I had a desire to bake something for the family today, after half an hour of looking for suitable recipe I then proceeded to just eat the ingredients instead of using them to make said cake! (Only the yummy bits of course!) last couple of days have been really wet and the kids have been pretty good but I think we all just need fresh air and some sun, but I won't hold my breath for that! Love reading your blog, thank you for keeping it real! We need another adult only night out again, It's good for the soul! Many hugs xxx

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    1. Mmm, raw egg. Yeah, I blame winter for this malaise. If we head up your way again, I'll let you know. Thanks for reading x.

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  5. OK no kidding but hubbie is playing Game of Life with my two as I type. I'm spending time "working" on the computer you see. Happy Mama, Happy household.

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    1. Thank you for spending two minutes of your very important work time reading and commenting on this blog. The Game of Life is in all probability the worst game ever invented. When I vacuum and see any of those pink and blue figures on the carpet, I don't even stop to pick them up. This is only joy I get out of that game.

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  6. Oh I hear you. Some days it is just easier to go to work. Enjoy your choccies. Have a guilt free relax and recharge your batteries. Everyone will benefit from it. Plus I am sure you are giving your kids valuable skills in self sufficiency ;)

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